Writing with Charity

It saddens me more to write this to you  I won’t call it a letter or a goodbye message  but this is just a note to my loved ones I wrote this in tears,  for me leaving is not choice but a call. I tried hanging up, putting on voicemail  and even on hold. Switched it off a couple times but still with a flat battery I received missed calls. I’m sorry I had to go now. But please know I have carried all the memories in my backpack, don’t worry I’m journeying  with you, from time to time I will smile back at you laugh with you at our craziest moments. I’m leaving but not leaving you alone. Remember I loved art, and in all my pieces there is a part of me it won’t be sufficient at first but remember  I haven’t left your heart yet . So in it I will forever reside.               c.nitah398

 Dear Gogo Its all starting to look colourful now  No more grey colours or blurry views in my head  Now that im sitting here  And the house feels empty  The echo growing louder as the clock ticks  My soul searches for yours  Gogo i  still cant believe you are gone  I have cleaned all the rooms  Done all my chores but no one is here to praise my efforts. The house looks bigger and the furniture looks dirty  I have been dusting up endlessly  But still nothing looks the way it did when you were here. They said you will watch over me  But im here feeling lonely  Grandpa can't tuck me in bed  Neither can he sing  out favourite hymn  You know he has grown to be Johnny walker  All the rains of this season have found him in the streets  And every time he gets home wet  He says "if my wife was here she could be shouting"  No one remembers how a smile looks on his face  If you really do w...

 Religiously, the sunsets. In the kitchen, my pots wrestle. Family gathers, the tables are set. Feast’s served dishes washed. Children! Retire to their beds bedtime stories are read tucked in,  they vanish in dreamland. Couples, Each to their rooms. Doors closed, sheets twixt they copulate.   3am, the devil’s hour, in my chamber. He tips toes. I can’t scream, he holds a death threat. Like a betrothed, he eats from my plate. Disentangle the devil in me, it’s not right but I’m human. To him, my dignity is lost. Albeit the hardships, I brave the night.  Without conviction, I wait;  for the morning sun!          c.nitah398

  I’m not being a hard nut to crack, but constantly my mind is asking would you? If I give you the chance, would you stay? It’s not just about the chance, but would you stand my nudity? When I undress my soul, unwrap the glued pieces of my heart, open the gates to the dungeon of my scared thoughts  after I unpack the burdens of my life standing face to face with my darkest secrets, would you stay? Can I trust you to take down the gates to my castle of solitude let you shake hands and exchange glances with my wildest dreams and my unexpressed feelings. Would you stand still staring at my ancient wounds? Would you keep the key to my basement of cries safe? After I take you on a tour, showing you where I locked my insecure self, so I can wear the mask of confidence and courage. After facing the other side of my temper locked in a safe cell. After opening the bottle of my emotions take the journey down the memory lane narrate to you my struggles, choices and decisions I regret wou...

 I couldn’t b your fire or ice. I believed I was born lukewarm. Never had to pick sides before, I always opted for neutrality. All because I was scared to take chances So, when you came I failed to give you a yes or a no! Its not that I had no answers for you. But I was too scared to take chances, And I wanted you without a fight. Unfortunately I pushed you to the edge. In your words silence meant negligence. You had to free yourself from the idea of “US” Yet my silence wanted you to stay, More reason I always entertained you…            c.nitah398

I'm writing this with tears Dripping swiftly yet to you they're invisible I feel my cheeks constantly getting soaked Each moment the wind touches my skin,  i feel different types of sensations. I know you can never understand  the depth of my wounds not till you deep your fingers in it. Its funny the only way you can understand this Is by hurting me a thousand times more. I'm not in love neither is it a heartbreak  Fate hasn't fed from my own, Its yet to stretch its cold arms to me But my life is already frozen It all started with a little frostbite  Now i reside inside my own mind  with a frozen soul  I don't blame it on another being nor do i blame it on nature  But endlessly i am sheding tears  They feel so thick and heavy like blood my eyes have failed me They can not withold it any longer  Its sad no matter how i pen it down . To you these tears remain invisible!       c.nitah398

  In the lonely, days of autumn. In the bearable, nights of spring. Not forgetting the laughter of winter. In the desirable, rains of summer.  The admirable, fog on the meadow. The breezy mornings, season after season. All I want is to spend  each one of them with you. @nitah398